1. So Are You Trying To Be A Musician
I am a musician. Not trying. Trying to be a musician is watching the first YouTube video on how to hold a guitar. Not what I have done for the past 15 years. That is BEING a musician.
2. You Sound Like…
I know you’re trying to be nice by putting me in good company, but musicians want to feel original. We don’t want to hear we sound like everyone else. That we’re unoriginal. It’s fine for you to sell your friends on listening to someone new by comparing them to well known artists, but when talking to a musician, the best compliment is “you sound like YOU and it’s awesome.” Unless you’re talking to a pop producer, then yeah, “it sounds like Katy Perry” is probably the best compliment you could give.
3. You Should Try Out For American Idol
I will slap you.
4. When Am I Going To Hear You On The Radio?
When your radio plays better shit.
5. You Should Be On The Voice
Because that’s a career builder. Right Jermaine?
6. You Must Love Karaoke
No, actually, I hate karaoke because I have to listen to you sing.
7. Can I Get On The List? Plus 1?
You don’t have $10 to support my music, but you have $50 for the round of shots you just bought everyone?
8. What’s Your Real Job?
It’s this little field called music. It’s way more real than those TPS reports you put together for the Bobs.
9. What’s Your Backup Plan
What’s yours?
10. It Will Be Great Exposure
Meaning, it doesn’t pay. No thanks.
11. I Have A Great Idea For A Song
And I have a great idea on how you can fix my faucet better. But let’s keep these things to ourselves.
12. Free Bird
That stopped being funny in ’97.